Raising the Standard at UGA since 2013.

You Should Join the Communist Party — If You’re Into That Kind of Thing

If you’re ever feeling bored, one of the more entertaining ways to waste away your free time is by reading Yahoo Answers. For those of you who don’t know, Yahoo Answers is an online forum where everyday people ask their most burning questions in the hopes that other users can resolve the question for them through a series of answers and debates. If no one can resolve the question, then the initial asker puts a big red “UNRESOLVED” at the top of the page. It’s really quite amusing.

If you don’t believe me, then stop what you’re doing right now (okay, not right now — finish reading this article first) and google “Yahoo Answers.”

From there, you will see a vertical list of subcategories, ranging in topics from “Beauty & Style” to “Pets” to “Sports” and everything else in between. In fact, there are actually 27 diverse categories that you can choose from (yes, I counted just for you!)

Now, you can click on any one of these categories and be equally entertained, so the choice is at your discretion. Yahoo Answers has a large community of, shall we say, unique and curious users.

No matter what category you choose, there is a boundless number of questions that users have asked. Some are intelligent questions. Some are ridiculous questions. And some are questions that will leave you scratching your head and wondering what exactly you just read. My personal favorite is the “Just ate 52 pizza rolls, will I die in my sleep?” question. It inevitably pops up somewhere, somehow in every Yahoo “Food & Drink” and “Health” discussion, and I even saw it once under the “Pets” section — yeah, I don’t know either. But from one broke college kid who eats pizza rolls daily to the next, I appreciate the question. And, for the record, this is a resolved question and the consensus is no, you will not die in your sleep but will instead live to see many more pizza roll-filled days.

As I’m sure you can imagine, the “Politics & Government” section has some of the most outlandish questions you can find on the website. It has its share of bizarre inquiries, such as “I live in Atlanta, Georgia but I can’t see the Russian tanks. Is this a problem?” Yet it also has some more thought-provoking questions as well.

No, really, I’m serious. Just bear with me.

“Should I join the Communist Party of America?” asks user favorite123, who goes on to describe why he wants to join this franchise in a lengthy and seemingly thoughtful list.  If you’re anything like me, you read this question and screamed “NO! What? Are you crazy? Are you American? DO YOU EVEN LIVE HERE?” And, again, if you’re anything like me, you would be more appalled to find that a large portion of users not only answered this question with a resounding “Yes!” but even boasted their support for the Communist Party of America.

I wish I was kidding as much as we all wish that Reagan was still in office.

If your stomach is churning just reading this, don’t worry. Forbes.com has a fantastic article by Peter Ferrara titled “Reaganomics vs Obamanomics: Facts and Figures”. It will calm your nerves and make you really proud to be a liberty-touting conservative. Check it out here.

For now, however, I will try to restore your faith in the American populace by telling you one user’s response. User grandma zaza says, “Sure, you should absolutely join the Communist Party of America if that is what you’re into. Because you can. You are lucky enough to live in a free country where a communist government does not control your political opinion and you have a right to exercise that opinion however you want and even if what you believe goes against that exact freedom.”

You go grandma zaza!

In a country with a political system that tiptoes a little farther left every single day, it is scary that we are reaching a point in our nation’s history where the desire to join a strictly socialist camp is often times considered less radical than following classic American ideals of the free market.

What’s even more disheartening is that the people who push for a more communal society are often the same people who take full advantage of their political freedom of expression every single day by joining organizations such as the Communist Party of America.

So yes favorite123, if joining the Communist Party of America is something that you’re into, then you should definitely join it. Luckily, you are free to do so. Heck, you aren’t just free — you live in the country that pioneered the freedom that you are so comfortably accustomed to, yet so blissfully unaware of. It would be absurd for you to waste your freedom of expression when you are one of the small group of people lucky enough to be born into a nation that glorifies the open exchange of ideas. How limited would you be if you lived in a nation that give political thought no freedom and weren’t able to express your sentiments in such a manner?

I hope that favorite123 found all of the answers that he was looking for on the uncensored internet that he logged onto with the laptop that he bought with money from his nice, paying job that he was able to choose by his own will. Maybe now that his question has been answered he can sleep well on his fluffy bed with the television on in the background for light and a nice noisemaker that he bought cheaply at the local shopping mall.

And, without further ado, I think it is safe to say: QUESTION RESOLVED.

Now go read that article I mentioned about Reaganomics.

— Sydney North is a sophomore studying journalism and political science

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